If you want to get me on a soapbox, ask me about finding a good couples therapist. There are few things I feel as passionate about professionally as the importance of finding a couples therapist with training in a solid, research-supported model. Now, I also think this is important for individual therapy, but I think it is ESPECIALLY important for couples.

As I write this, I’m 7 months pregnant. It’s my second pregnancy and it’s been more physically challenging than the first. As a result, I’m not as active as I imagined I’d be. Chasing my 3-year-old around has proved to be my physical limit most days. When I share this with friends and family, they are incredibly supportive. My mom tribe tells me “just take care of yourself, you’re doing great.” My husband tells me, “let me help, it’s OK.” And I feel…OK. Even accepting of this season. And then…I go on Instagram.

Mindfulness is a cornerstone of my practice. As a therapist there are few things I’ve found that work as well and as quickly for as many people as learning to be more mindful. It’s like the mental version of exercise – it’s good for pretty much everyone and helps with pretty much everything. There are so many benefits of mindfulness and I can get really excited about them…ask my clients.

Here’s something I hear from couples often: “It just feels like we’re going through the motions, at the end of every night we sit on the couch in the same places and watch TV. It’s just dull.”

On the surface, this seems like a behavioral problem…we just need to change the behavior and get them doing something else, right? Maybe a walk instead? WRONG. Because guess what, I bet they used to watch TV together at the start of their relationship and it felt good and connecting versus mundane and meaningless. And, I bet if I suggested they took a walk they’d come back saying ‘yeah it was a little better but not much different.” Why? 

Because…ATTACHMENT.